The Comeback

Estimated reading time: 2 minutes

I have not posted on this blog in 18 months. That’s a year and a half that I have spent unable, and sometimes unwilling, to share my writing online. A thousand times I have thought about returning to this blog, only to feel overwhelmed by the minutiae of life with no energy left to write. The few occasions I did attempt a return, only trite nonsense and subpar ramblings flowed from my pen.

A few months ago, desperate to find a way out of my current job but not knowing what I wanted to do, I invested in a career coaching program to help me figure out my next steps. At first, I doubted myself—shouldn’t I be able to figure this out on my own? What if I’ve just wasted all this money on a program that won’t actually help me find a path forward? But the process worked as intended: I finally admitted to myself that my calling is to be a writer and creator.

I have no evidence to indicate I can truly make a living from my creative pursuits. I have no reason to believe that I am any more special than the thousands of other people who pursue writing in vain. But I recently realized that when I decided to pursue music for college, I had no evidence then that I’d be able to make money from that, either. The main difference was that, in my stubborn and arrogant youth, I was willing to take the leap of faith and work at my craft until I found financial success.

I am going to take a chance on myself the way I did at age 17. I’m going to trust that I can and will make a sustainable life, as a creator, that I can be proud of. I’m going to love myself enough to listen to what my soul needs and pursue what I want instead of giving up before I even try. I‘m going to start living the life that I have denied myself because I feared that I wouldn’t be talented enough, or make enough, or simply BE enough.

I’m giving myself permission to stop holding myself back. I am summoning the part of me that threw caution to the wind half my lifetime ago, determined to follow my ambition to the end of the line. I owe it to myself to wholeheartedly forge the path I am called to make.

 I’m making a comeback—and this time, I won’t stop until I find my success.